As mentioned in an earlier post Toronto radio station CKLN was finally, deservedly ordered off the air in April. Refusing to take "fuck off" for an answer CKLN's stubbornly inept management recently announced that hey had gotten permission to broadcast again as a "micro broadcaster" with a less than 1 watt signal. No that's not a typo, not even one whole watt with a range of about 700 feet. No that's not a typo either, 700 feet. Wow. That should carry clear across the street. Thus reaching that much coveted "people who happen to be driving by for a split second" demographic. They could literally reach more people by putting the speakers out the window.
My reconstruction of the conversation in a car of loyal CKLN listeners driving down to listen in on their car radio;
(sounds of static)Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.."You're listening to.." Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
1st CKLN fan; "Wait! Back up!"
(gears shift and..)Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...."CKLN.." Bzzzzzzzzzzz"
1st CKLN fan; "Wait! Go forward!"
(gears shift and...)Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz...."88.1fm" Bzzzzzzzzz
2nd CKLN fan; "This is stupid"
I'm guessing they are going to have to play a lot of really short songs.
That's where I can help. No really, I can offer some free advice here. The genre of "absurdly short punk songs" is much beloved if inherently limited one. Remember the first album by DRI where half the song were less than 30 seconds long? Actually some were less than 20 seconds long. Then Napalm Death once took this sort of thing to it's logical conclusion by having a one second song called "you suffer". In the immortal words of Napalm Death singer/guitarist Justin Broadwick;
"We played that song in front of 30 local kids, like, every weekend. We played that song 30 times."
There is even a word for this; "Micro Thrash". Therefore in the spirit of radio brotherhood I offer up for further research some bands known for songs 90 seconds long or less (this list is by no means exhaustive);
The Accused
Adrenaline O.D.
The Angry Samoans
Black Flag
The Circle Jerks
The Descendants
Destroy All Monsters
Discharge
D.R.I.
The Feederz
The Germs
Glue Gun
Government Issue
The High Fives
Minor Threat
The Minutemen
The Mr.T Experience
The Misfits
The Mono Men
Muck and The Mires
The Mummies
Napalm Death
The New Bomb Turks
Operation Ivy
The Ramones
Rancid
7 Seconds
REO Speedealer
Screaching Weasel
Social Unrest
State of Alert
The Subsonics
The Teen Idles
T.S.O.L.
The Undertones
Verbal Abuse
The Vibrators
Voorhees
Wehrmacht
Wire
Need some Can Con? No problem;
Beyond Possession
Bloodshot Bill
Bored Stiff
The Brutal Knights
Cub
Death Sentence
Dementia 13
DOA
The Evaporators
Danko Jones
Deja Voodoo
Thee Goblins
The House of Knives
The Leather Uppers
Maow
Maximum RnR
Molested Youth
The Rocket Reducers
The Sadies
The Screamagers
Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet
The Sick Boys
The Smugglers
The Sophisticatos
The Subhumans
The Ugly
The Vapids
The Viletones
These actually range in quality from the obviously stoopid and proudly goofy to those who surprisingly managed to come up with proper songs, with a beginning, middle and end, sometimes even a solo, in under 90 seconds. Some of these are classics, all should be required listening for any aspiring rocker. Less is more.
THE MISFITS ~ "RETURN OF THE FLY" (this video has a long intro which pads out the song length which is only about 90 seconds);
WIZO ~ "The Count";
FIZZY BANGERS ~ "SHORT ATTENTION SPAN":
DEJA VOODOO ~ "STOP";
DUANE EDDY ~ "SOME KINDA EARTHQUAKE";
SHADOWY MEN ON A SHADOWY PLANET ~ "INTERLUDE/COUNTDOWN" (TWO SONGS);
MAOW ~ "MS. LEFEVRE";
THE GRUESOMES ~ "MY BROKEN HEART WILL NEVER MEND";
THE JAM ~ "BATMAN THEME";
THE ANGRY SAMOANS ~ "THEY SAVED HITLER"S COCK";
THE VIBRATORS ~ "YEAH YEAH YEAH";
THE CYNICS ~ "BUSINESS AS USUAL";
T.S.O.L. ~ "SUPERFICIAL LOVE";
THE NEW BOMB TURKS ~ "I WANT MY BABY DEAD";
THE DESCENDENTS ~ "I DON'T WANNA GROW UP";
THE VANDALS ~ "TO ALL THE KIDS";
WIRE ~ "FEELING CALLED LOVE";
THE MINUTEMEN ~ "POLITICAL SONG FOR MICHEAL JACKSON TO SING" (live);
THE FORGOTTEN REBELS ~ "ELVIS IS DEAD";
THE UNDERTONES ~ "SMARTER THAN YOU";
ADRENALINE O.D. ~ "SUBURBIA";
CAUSTIC SODA ~ WELCOME TO DUMPSVILLE, POPULATION YOU";
MR.T EXPERIENCE ~ "SPEEDRACER";
THE RAMONES ~ "CRETIN HOP";
THE CIRCLE JERKS ~ "WASTED";
DEAD KENNEDYS ~ "I LIKE SHORT SONGS" (live);
BLACK FLAG ~ "REVENGE";
SCREECHING WEASEL ~ "I HATE LED ZEPPELIN";
OPERATION IVY ~ "BOMBSHELL";
7 SECONDS ~ "NOT JUST BOYS FUN";
GLUE GUN ~ "THE SCENE IS NOT FOR SALE;
DEATH SENTENCE ~ "FEEL FUCKED";
BEYOND POSSESSION ~ "NO RELIGION";
DRI ~ "Who am I?";
DISCHARGE ~ "HEAR NOTHING SEE NOTHING SAY NOTHING";
VOORHEES ~ "KEVIN KEEGAN";
NAPALM DEATH ~ "YOU SUFFER";
And then here is of course an entire compilation called "Short Music for short people" which has 99 songs 30 seconds and under.
Want some thing a little less punk and obnoxious? How about Elvis Presley, Duane Eddys, Hank Williams, Ersal Hickey, Chan Romero, Mac Wiseman, Ray Campi, Link Wray, Arch Hall jr, Cliff Richard, Glenn Glen, Merle Travis, Roscoe Holcomb, Hobart Smith, The Byrds, Bluecaps and The Swingin' Blue Jeans? There are also demos from Johnny Horton, Willie Nelson, Elvis (again), Cliff Richard (ditto), and Buffalo Springfield. Then there's the Alan Lomax collections which have some really short tracks by blues, folk and gospel singers including Josh White, Jimmie Strother, Moses Clear Rock Pratt, May Fortune and others.
Of course CKLN could also just play some of those Cabaret Voltaire, SPK, Throbbing Gristle, Nurse with Wound, Ramleh and John Cage records that sound like static anyway.
I actually did that once; while doing an overnight show I played John Cage's "HPSCHRD" which is basically 20 minutes of three or more harpsichords playing randomly buried under mountains of distortion. Eventually somebody called in;
Caller; "Are you on the air"
Me; "Probably"
Caller; "It sounds like I'm going under a tunnel and I'm not"
Me; "Well let's see (turning up volume);
JOHN CAGE ~ "HPSCHD";
Me; "Sounds fine to me. I'll be playing some Cabaret Voltaire later, you may want to stick around for that."
Hey it was 3:30 in the morning.
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