Friday, 21 October 2016

Donald Trump's Book Reports Revealed

In the aftermath of Wednesday's Presidential debate and yet another stumbling, blustering, rambling, incoherent performance by Cheeto Mussolini some pundit described Trump's willfully ignorant attempts to bluff his way through answers to questions he had clearly given little thought to as akin to a high-school student trying to deliver a "book report". That's the sort of thing that is regularly said but this time it led to an immediate response on Twitter as thousands of people gleefully converted that throwaway line to a performance art tweet-storm. After seeing this I went on my first official Twitter tear myself with almost twenty "Trump Book Report" Tweets. OK; that's a tad excessive, I was clearly in the zone. I need to take a break. Read a book. Take a walk or something.
But first; In tribute to David Letterman (come back Dave we really need you, along with Jon Stewart) here are my personal top ten Trump Book Reports;

I stared out fairly conventionally;

Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20
Frodo was really low energy. I'd build a wall and make make Mordor pay for it. Bigly. Make Middle Earth Great Again! #TrumpBookReport #Trump


Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20 "Edgar Allan Poe was weak, stop all Raven immigration until we can figure out what the Hell is going on. Not good" #TrumpBookReport #Trump


Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20 Robin Hood robs the rich to pay the poor? Thanks Obama. Not Good. Sad. #TrumpBookReport #Trumpland


Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20 #TrumpBookReport "1984"; "Big Brother is a strong leader. Stronger than Obama. He's laughing at us. Not Good"


#TrumpBookReports; "Zorro"; We have to get rid of these bad Mexican hombres. Build A Wall" #Trumpland #groperinchief #Debates2016 #Trump


#Trumpbookreports; "Killing a Mockingbird is for losers. Eric & Don jr are real big game trophy hunters. Big time" #Trumpland #groperinchief


#Trumpbookreports; "Aslan the Lion brought peace & love. So Eric & Don jr shot him. Make Narnia great again!" #Trumpland #groperinchief #GOP


Then started to get more obscure;

Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20 #TrumpBookReport "Heart Of Darkness";"Kurtz is really low energy. I was opposed to the jungle trip from the beginning Ask Sean Hannity" #GOP


Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20 #TrumpBookReport Josef Conrad's "Secret Agent";"There's no proof there's a Russian agent. Probably some 400 lb guy in parents basement. Sad"


#Trumpbookreports;"All The Kings Men: Demagogue gets elected. Big Time. Then he gets shot. I blame Crooked Hillary. Not Good" #Trumpland


#TrumpBookReport; "Raisin In The Sun"; The Blacks are living in Hell and it's Obama's fault.Sad" #Trumpland #groperinchief #Debates2016 #GOP


#TrumpBookReports; "1001 Arabian Nights"; Very dark. Something's wrong here. We need to get to the bottom of this. Not good" #debate #Trump


#trumpbookreports "The Art Of War"; I'm smarter than the generals. Really smart. I deserve a medal for not getting VD. So far." #Trumpland


#Trumpbookreports "The Good Earth; Chiina is laughing at us. I'll hit em with 35% tarrifs. Except for my ties. I make the best ties" #Trump


And darker. Way darker;

Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Moby Dick "Ahab was really low energy, I would have bombed the shit out of that whale. Also sounds like a Muslim. Not good." #TrumpBookReport


#Trumpbookreports "Lair Of The White Worm; Probably about Lyin Ted Cruz. His dad killed JFK. I read that. His wife a 4 Not good!" #Trumpland


#TrumpBookReport "Mordor isn't sending us their best Orcs. They're killers, they're rapists and some I assume are good Orcs" #Trumpland #GOP


#trumpbookreports;"Oedipus Rex grabbed his mother's pussy because his daughter was only a three at best. Look at that face." #TrumpLand #GOP


Daibhid James ‏@DiamondDaibhidJ Oct 20 #TrumpBookReport "Tale Of Two Cities"; "It was the best of times. Then black people moved into my building. I had casinos in those cities. #Trump


#TrumpBookReport "Diary Of Anne Frank"; "She's a four right now but in a few years I'll be dating her. Where are my TicTacs?" #GroperInChief


And big finish, drum-roll please;

#TrumpBookReports;"Mein Kampf";My second favorite book. Almost as good as "Art of The Deal".Everybody says so" #Trump #groperinchief #debate


OK that's actually 17 not 10. Apparently I have slightly more self control than the Tweeter-In-Chief. I'm guessing he's probably not actually read any of those books though. Except "Mein Kampf" of course. Bigly.


No comments:

Post a Comment